Maybe That's What Hell Is

Every once in a while, I check out Roger Ebert's site to see which movies I should not miss. Now Ebert is one of the more traditional movie critics, and I know there are younger critics who offer fresh views about filmmaking, but he's still the most respected. Imagine my delight when he gave "The Happening", which I liked when nobody else did, a good review.

When "In Bruges" opened in the US in February last year, Ebert gave it a great review and four stars. Apart from screenplay, he praised the acting. I knew "In Bruges" stars Colin Farrel, I forget how, but most likely I got it from exploring IMDB (I also do this extensively every once in a while).

I wanted to see it since then. I think it opened in Philippine theaters for a while, but I missed it. I did get a copy of it in my iPod.

I've always liked Colin Farrel's acting (ever since his supporting turns in "Minority Report" and that Ben Afflect superhero movie, as well as his first lead role in "Phone Booth", all of which got critical praise), and I'm sort of always interested to see which next films he stars in.

A few years ago, he was the next superstar, with movies like "S.W.A.T" and "The Recruit". He was hot, the critics loved him, and his movies earned well. But he was called the bad boy from Ireland, no small thanks to his cursing a lot during interviews, and a sex video. And then he starred in Oliver Stone's "Alexander", which was such a flop that none of the stars, except for Angeline Jolie, came out unscathed.

I saw him in two movies after that -- "The New World" and "Miami Vice" -- but they, along with several other movies, did not bring back his star's wattage.

And then when the Golden Globe nominations came out last December, "In Bruges" was nominated for Best Comedy/Musical, and best of all, Farrel and his co-star Brendan Gleeson were nominated for Best Actor in a Comedy/Musical. That's when I had even more motivation to see it.

So I've had it in my iPod for weeks before I eventually watched it. And when I did, my thought was, I've forgotten how good an actor Colin Farrel really is.

"In Bruges" is a black comedy. It's set in a town in Belgium (hence the title). Colin Farrel is at his best here. He's playing an Irish, and he seemed so rejuvenated by the freedom from all the restrictions of Hollywood he was like a completely different actor.

The movie required it, and Farrel rose to the occasion. Hollywood does not have a lot of black comedies. I've seen a couple of great ones from Europe, including "La Communidad" from Spain and another one from Sweden I saw in a European Film Festival a few years ago whose title I forget.

I haven't stopped talking about "In Bruges" ever since. I've been telling my friends to watch it. The title of this post is a line from the movie. I originally wanted to use the very last line, uttered by Ralph Fiennes, but it's such a spoiler. Blame my lack of wit.

The Golden Globes will be awarded in a few hours. Tom O'Neil predicts Farrel will win ("Farrell's a sexy superstar who's overdue to be taken seriously with a chunk of kudos gold."). I hope he does. And I hope it gets him the respect he deserves.

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Update: Colin Farrel did win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical.

For Good

I did say (and still mean)

You're right. You're right to expect and be hurt.

I'm sorry. And I don't know if I can ever be sorry enough for you to see me again or even just listen to me.

Or for you to allow me to make it up... if there's anything left to make up.

From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. There's nothing else I can say. There's no justifying my inaction.

I did not nurture something that was important to me. It won't matter now that you've always crossed my mind and that I've always wondered how you were and that I've always hoped and prayed you are well, because, as with many things in my life, I never made the first step -- the call, the visit.

I don't believe in regrets, but this is one thing I regret and know will regret for the rest of my life.

This is a big blow to my existence. That I should ever abandon, though unknowingly, something that was important to me and hurt, though unwittingly, a person who was dear to me. I thought that people are always one phone call away, one text message away, one get together away; that everything stands still while I wallow in my own sorrows and in my own happiness.

But I've been thinking

This may be for good. Knowing you, there's nothing I or anyone can do to change your mind.

And it just sucks, because it seems I have lost not just one important person but a whole aspect of my life.

And you know what else sucks? The thought that there may be parties that are responsible for pushing you to this state of mind. I can just imagine it.

And I feel a little betrayed. Because if they truly cared, the same parties could have warned me of what was coming my way.

And if you truly cared for what we had, you could have called on me. If I didn't show up then, then I would be whomever I was so guilty of being.

My family asks about you, by the way. Sadly, I don't have an answer. And I know it's my fault. But I'm pretty sure it's not all my fault.

This doesn't lessen how sorry I am. Or how badly I wish things could have gone less destructively.

But I can't be stuck here.

Elwood T. Cason was a great man

He had a lot of love to give. And a lot of love he gave -- to people around him, to family and fiends. To a lot of us gathered here, he invested love and hopes and dreams and inspirations. To us, his family, he left a mark so profound, that all our successes are his successes, all our achievements are his achievements, all things we take pride in are rightfully his.

Life will never be the same without Tito Elwood. He left a void that no one can ever fill. And we will sorely miss him. However, he may be gone, but his legacy of family and of friendship will live through all of us whose lives were touched, forever positively altered, by him.

Whereever we may go and whatever we may become, we will carry with us a piece of Tito Elwood's love. We will tell our children and our children's children of a great man who redefined loving and sharing and caring and giving.

He may be called different names by different people -- Uncle Elwood, Tito Elwood, Lieutenant, E.T., Manong, Sweetie -- but he will be remembered by everyone as one great man.

Goodbye, Tito Elwood. Goodbye. For now. Our love will fly to you in angels' wings.


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The last sentence is inspired by a line in the Dixie Chicks song "Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)".

Tito Elwood wrote his own obituary:
http://www.legacy.com/DailyProgress/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=115355875. Only those who are confident of the good life they've lived can have the courage to do this.

I Won't Call Them Predictions This Time

Because they're really more about who I'm rooting for than prognostications, and when I made them last year, Paul did not fail to point out I was pretentious.

I'm watching the red carpet show as I write this. Last night we had a few drinks here at home with Telly and Noel and I had only a few hours of sleep, so that means I will have to endure a slight hangover in the next few hours.

Anyway, so here goes. I'm skipping Best Picture this time. I have seen four of the five nominees, but the one I have not seen is the frontrunner, No Country for Old Men. Of the other four, I think Atonement has the most potential to upset. It is a grand, lovely movie with a great story to tell. It is beautifully shot (the tracking shot was absolutely amazing). I don't understand the huge support Michael Clayton is getting. It is a good movie, alright, but seven Oscar nominations, including Best Picture and Best Actor? Juno is a refreshing movie, we don't see movies like it often, and it is not surprising it has the biggest earnings out of all nominees. But it's not going to win. In the unlikely event that it does, it will be like the Crash upset a few years ago. There Will Be Blood is absolutely stunning; it has this epic feel to it. It has one of the most interesting musical scores I have ever seen.

BEST ACTOR
This award is for Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will Be Blood. Unfortunately, this doesn't say much about whether he will actually win it. The last time he was nominated, for Gangs of New York, he was also posed to win, having won all precursor awards. Alas, Adrien Brody made an upset for The Pianist. It ticks me off that it may happen again this year, with George Clooney getting a lot of support. Again, I could never understand that. He was okay in Michael Clayton, but I think there are a lot of actors who delivered unforgettable performances in lesser known movies who deserve the nomination more. Anyway, in any other year, I would have rooted for Johnny Depp for Sweeney Todd because I think he is due an Oscar for all of the great performances he's done in the past. However, Daniel Day-Lewis is just ab-friggin'-solutely amazing in There Will Be Blood. He has become the character, and the actor is not recognizable -- that's a big indicator the performance is great. It's the performance of the year. It is unforgettable. I have never been more passionate about rooting for a performance (not even for Nicole Kidman for Moulin Rouge, and then for The Hours, or for Cate Blanchett in two nominations this year). If George Clooney does upset, my whole week will be ruined. I think Daniel Day-Lewis is one of the greatest actors ever.

BEST ACTRESS
I'm rooting for an upset by Marion Cotillard for La Vie en Rose. I love rooting for great actors and actresses who haven't been even been nominated. Before Philip Seymour Hoffman won for Capote, I have seen him deliver stunning performances in a lot of movies and knew that if he got the perfect role, he should win an Oscar. I have written about my admiration for Marion Cotillard in this post. Marion is at her best in La Vie en Rose. I have seen here in a wide range of roles, but I think this is her best yet.

A Look Back

I didn't think I'd have time alone before the turn of the year, but here I am.

The year 2007 has been a crazy rollercoaster ride for me. I hate to use the cliché, but it's just what it was: a dizzying combination of new highs and new lows. With this post I'll try to summarize the highlights of my 2007.

The beginning of the year marked a move by the company that's been long overdue. They tried to save what was left of the heart that pumps life into the enterprise. Everybody was happy. Among my team, I was happiest.

There was the (first) trip to the US in February. It was just an amazing experience: having to visit San Francisco and attend the RSA Conference, where I saw Bill Gates, Collin Powell, Eugene Kaspersky, and many more big shots in the Internet security industry. Ate JD brought me to places. The trip also allowed me to visit my cousins in New Jersey and go around New York City. And it was snowing. I had to choose between Virginia and New Jersey, because my boss then, Mary, gave me only a handful of days off. Still, the whole trip was as memorable as it could be. It was, in fact, documented rather well in this blog.

Anthony and Boots got married in April. Not that it was any surprise. It was twelve months in the making, and I was involved in not a few of the preparations. I was Anthony's best man, too. I think it was my personal legend. (I have just deleted a few sentences explaining why this is so, but I will leave it at that.)

At the middle of the year, my world was turned upside down. I didn't seem like that at first, because everything seeped in very slowly, but when I became I aware of things, I was overwhelmed, almost wondering why I got there. It was the weirdest of all my experiences this year, because it made me seriously doubt myself. I am arrogant, and I know that. I know where I'm good at and I know where I'm not, and I play with my strengths. I accepted a challenge that I was confident I can be good at, but all year long, I felt I have always been trying to prove myself. There are people I draw strengths from, who believe in me; and then there are others. I guess I'll never earn the respect of these people, which makes me really sad, not only because I know somehow I am constantly working for it, but because it is a reminder of my failure.

I wouldn't think there'd be a second trip to the US at all, let alone this year, but there I was in Las Vegas, meeting with the company's big wigs in PR and Marketing. My boss would later say she was thankful I made the trip, even though I had very low self-esteem. And low it was. I felt very small, being very new in the job and yet trying to present big things. I actually found the trip very stressful. The only thing that I think really made the trip worthwhile, is that I was able to visit my Tito and Tita in Virginia this time. These are the people who helped my parents send me to school, so I always said they were big influences in my life. They helped mold the snotty kid I was, the person I am now, and even the person I will be in the future. Also, during this second trip, I felt like I was a well travelled person already, having stopped at airports in Vancouver, Las Vegas, Charlotte (North Carolina), Charlottesville (Virginia), and Philadelphia. I felt like a pro running or taking shuttles from one terminal to another, or waiting for my flight for hours on end. I have even taken the Greyhound from Charlottesville to D.C.

My birthday this year was most special. I certainly didn't have the blues, which every year I always certainly have around the time of my birthday. I think it was because a week before that there was a surprise for me at the office. Mama and Papa (who made the trip to the city) were there, Manong Wud, Manang Mi, and Ann were there, Telly was there, and even Anthony and Boots and Dhayne were there. It was a surreal experience, and I was speechless for a long time. I just couldn't believe they could gather all the important people in my life in one place to sort of honor me. Miray organized the thing, and I will never forget that. One thing I wasn't able to say in the several times I was made to speak, was that I was so happy because I felt that Mama and Papa were very very proud of me, and that's something I haven't felt in a long time.

All in all, 2007 has been a great year for me. Both my successes and failures presented opportunities for me to contemplate. I have much to learn and improve, that's for sure. I guess that only means the coming year will bring great things to look forward to.

At this Point in the Oscar Race

The Oscar derby has, of course, began. Has it been a year already? There's only one post in between my bold Oscars 2007 predictions and this one, which is not saying that time flies by very fast (and it does), only that I have not been posting.

I have been reading on the Oscar frontrunners since the Oscar season earlier this year ended. I read somewhere that Oscars 2008 will see a match between Nicole Kidman and Cate Blanchett (two of my favorite actresses) in the Best Actress race, the former in The Golden Compass, the latter in Elizabeth: The New Age. This, of course, is not going to happen, because they are not generating buzz for these movies, but instead for other movies. Nicole could miraculously find herself in the race for Margot at the Wedding, and Cate is the frontrunner in the Supporting Acting category for I'm not there.

I am rooting for Meryl Streep for Best Actress for Lions for Lambs, though Marion Cotillard (whom I said I was starting to love in this post more than a year ago) is fast gaining buzz for La Vie en Rose. I saw Lions for Lambs even if Tom Cruise is in it, and while watching the film I couldn't stop thinking that Meryl Streep is such a goddess. She should win for this performance, and for all the other performances she has ever done.

The movie itself is okay. It says a lot of things about the different facets of the war in Iraq. It criticizes all fronts -- the government, the media, even the rest of the people who do nothing, but experts find it too preachy, and that it doesn't really say anything that has not been said before. However, preachy or not, I think that there is a message in this movie, and it will be very sad if the message is lost in our search for flaws in the script, directing, or acting.

I also saw Lust, Caution, which generated quite a buzz in the early part of the Oscar race because it was submitted by Taiwan as its entry for the Foreign Language category, even if the movie has nothing to do with Taiwan aside from the fact that director Ang Lee is born in Taiwan. The Academy eventually ruled it can't accept the submission, and Taiwan submitted another movie.

This means that Lust, Caution will have to compete in the other categories with the other big players. I personally think that it is beautifully made. There are several intense scenes (not least among them some of the loveliest sex scenes I have ever seen) and it's kind of disappointing for me at the end. Perhaps I didn't have to rationalize it, because it just is what happened. Macky says its woman empowerment, because the woman had to make a choice, and that probably for the first time in her life, she's making a choice for herself. Be that as it may, I found it confounding that she could sacrifice a lot to get to where she is, and in an instant, and with just one word, she just gave everything up. Yeah, I guess that only proves how important her decision is to make a choice for herself. It kinda reminds me of that part in Love in the Time of Cholera (which was also made into a movie and may be competing in the Oscars, though it received lukewarm reviews) where Fermina said "Today, when I saw you, I realized that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion", which broke my heart.

Don't Ever Hurt My Sweet Angel

Here you go again, slashing people's feelings with the sharp end of what you say. You managed to slash my feelings again, even if you directed your wrath at somebody else.

That's because you hurt a person I love.

You probably won't understand it -- love that grows out of relationships, love that people freely choose to cultivate because it nourishes them, one that is not forced by fate.

Don't ever think that you have even the slightest right to hurt people, just because you did something good for them -- especially because you seem to have the knack of doing good things to please other people. You are a product of other people's good deed yourself. Strangely, you seem to have conveniently forgotten.

You keep people imprisoned by the only form of power you know.

If I were only there, I wouldn't have let you hurt my sweet angel.

You don't realize, we are all here, slowly standing up against you. You have taught us to be strong and keep a mask while we are powerless, creeping slowly towards our freedom.

Drop by drop you have filled this dam. Our tears help fill it up to the brim. One day it will break.

My Own Oscar Predictions

The Oscars are being handed out in a few hours, and I would like to try my hand, for the first time, in predicting the most prestigious awards IN HOLLYWOOD (emphasis mine). I haven't seen many of the nominated films, but at least I have seen four of the five Best Picture nominees.

Besides, I learned from all these years that I have been following the Oscars that the golden statuette is, more often than not, given to the one that generated the most buzz, not to the one that really deserves it. I guess that is why, when predicting, most pundits would say it is not necessarily their preference. Even Time and E!Online differentiate 'Who Will Win' from 'Who Should Win'.

Anyway, so my predictions are:

BEST PICTURE
'Babel'. Hollywood got a taste somewhat of world cinema with this movie. Many pundits predict 'Babel' will win, but they're careful to note that 'The Departed' or 'Little Miss Sunshine' could upset.

BEST DIRECTOR
Martin Scorsese will finally win an Oscar. Too bad it wasn't for one of his earlier magnificent films. But you know what they say, when they reward you with an Oscar, it is usually for your body of work, not just for the work you are nominated for. Clint Eastwood is an Oscar favorite, and he created two grand productions this year, but c'mon, he's already got two directing Oscars.

BEST ACTRESS
Helen Mirren will get all but one vote from the Academy -- she said in an interview that she voted for Meryl Streep.

BEST ACTOR
A number Ocarologists doubt that Forest Whitaker will win, even if he's won all earlier awards, primarily because he plays a villain. Based on buzz, it's a race between Forest, Peter O'Toole, and Leonardo DiCaprio (yes, even if he will win for the 'wrong' movie, if ever). I'm betting on Leo on this one.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Jennifer Hudson gave an intense performance, but I think Adriana Barraza's transformation in Babel is exquisite. Jennifer is on the lead, but at the time that balloting ended, Adriana and Abigail Breslin were catching up. I think Jennifer will still win, but I'm rooting for Adriana.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Eddie Murphy will win this one, even if the Academy is reluctant. Alan Arkin is the nearest upset.

Winter Wonder Time